Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Thoughts of Suicide

(This entry is pure fiction. Any people, places, things, or ideas presented herein are used fictitiously, without the intent of monetary gain.)

I made a decision today.

I'm going to kill myself.

Maybe the world is better off without me. I taint all I touch, sullying the purity of the world by merely existing. Every breath I take is a noxious plume, poisoning everyone around me. I am a rotting cancer, attached to the vital organs of a society.

I remember when I began to feel this way. Three years ago, following a major accident in which my indiscretion caused significant damage to a very close friend, they put me on this painkiller. One of the side effects said that it may cause thoughts of suicide in younger patients. It put me just enough out of it to really look at the world and how I interacted with it. I began to see myself through the eyes of the people around me.

That was when I noticed.

I was gross, appalling, utterly disgusting, and there was nothing I could conceivably do about it. I watched and judged myself for those three endless years.

Today, I made a decision.

I'm going to kill myself.

And nobody will miss me.

I hope.